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I feel compelled to write about this because it is a major issue in my life right
now - in fact, it's the only complaint that I have (well, excluding the below).
The rest of my life is very happy. I mentioned below about medication. I am
taking an anti-depressant - Lamictal - that from what I have learned through
extensive research, causes memory loss and an inability to spell and
articulate well. I noticed problems with memory loss, struggling to find
words to communicate, and spelling problems (I actually had to look up how
to spell "predictable" the other day) ever since I started the medication. It
has gotten worse. I have read several books over the last few months to try
to transcend this issue. I use a highlighter, I write about it, yet when I go
back - even to the things I have written - I have no recollection of the
material. It makes me very frustrated and angry, and I don't know what to do
about it. I don't feel sorry for myself, really, but I don't want to give up the
second most fulfilling thing in my life (excluding my relationship) - expanding
my knowledge - (painting and writing poetry come first - well, that's two
things, but I lump them in together as creative endeavors) because of some
damn medication. I am just writing about this because it is really affecting
me.
I have a lot going on - exposure to atheists has caused me to struggle with
my faith, something that bothers me to the point that I am talking to people
about it: my sweetie, parents, my pastor, even Jehovah's Witnesses (and
NO, I am not going to convert - they just know the Bible inside and out). This
struggle causes me great discomfort and concern. I have not lost my faith, I
just have a lot of questions about things that do not make sense to me. I do
not take the Bible literally, and I never will. A lot of it is antiquated and
written in historical context, not to mention the biases of the authors of the
respective books. I will be writing about the issue of homosexuality and the
Bible soon, so please keep checking back. It's an issue that needs to be
addressed in the current cultural environment and is a cause of great
contention in religious factions.
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March 3, 2010
Since all I can seem to talk about is books, I may as well tell you the latest
book I am reading. It's called Adventures in Philosophy. Pretty bold
assertion, huh? Published in 2008, the book is intended to put
philosophical questions in a contemporary context. That has got to be
better than some of the boring "intellectual" crap I have been forcing myself
through. I even have a degree in philosophy, and I can hardly stand reading
Aristotle anymore. I think part of it is just that I don't pick things up as quickly
as I used to. Partially age, partially meds. I am going to try to fix the latter. I
am "only" 40 - my mind shouldn't be going downhill so quickly.
I still plan to go skydiving before my 41st birthday, before we leave
Asheville. I'd rather crash in the mountains than crash in the sea. Sharks
scare me. So does drowning. I think I will be scared, but I also think that
once I step out of that plane, that I will be elated. I've heard of people being
high for weeks afterwards. I would hate that. Yea, right. Knowing me I will
want to sell my car so I can go again, and again...
I know it seems a little pretentious to have a logo for what amounts to a
bunch of regular photos, but I do plan to add many more and I wanted them
to be in one place. Besides, D is so good at designing logos I figured why
not?
*******************************************************
March 1, 2010
I am ready for some better weather. Winter blows. I can't wait to watch the
sun rise over the ocean. That will be great. And I will be sure to post photos
on this page.
I finished that boring book. It was painful. That's what I get for taking the
advice of someone else. Now I am reading the books I picked out. One is
Biology for Dummies. I realized I am pretty ignorant on the subject. Bad
thing is, I won't retain it. Damn meds. They are making me stupid. What is
the trade off? I would almost rather be depressed and smart. Well, not
really.
It looks like it will be a May move. I was hoping for April. Oh well, it will still
be in time for beach season. I plan to go early, but I do want to work on a
tan. Not obsessively, but get one. I am pretty pale. I used to tan in a salon.
How stupid is that?
This blog sounds like a twenty-something is writing it. Sorry if you are
reading it and thinking about how boring it is! I will stop now.
*******************************************************
February 23, 2010
Now I am reading a book called The History of Scepticism (yes, that
spelling is annoying). It was recommended to me by someone who reads
two books a day. I've never corresponded with a walking library before, so I
thought that his recommendation would be a good thing to check out.
Other than that, just playing the waiting game for the move to Myrtle Beach. I
haven't painted in months now, and I am not going to until we move, which
will be in April or May. It will take some time to get back in the groove
again. I hope I will be patient with myself.
*******************************************************
February 20, 2010
I've added a discussion on Epicureanism (the philosophy of Epicurus) on
my CJH Philosophical Discussions (link above) page. His main philosophy
is to live simply and seek to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. He has
some very interesting and practical ideas.
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